What I miss….
I have been back in the states for a little over a month now. In some ways, my life has slowed down a lot. I go to the same place for work every day, I see my old friends. I just got my car back. I do ‘normal’ life things — like get my car inspected. But at the same time, I am still in flux. Still very much in transition – sleeping on an air mattress with my sleeping bag as a blanket. Still unsure of where I will go beyond July 27th. Still unsure of what I want.
But one thing is clear to me… I know what I miss. So, I thought I would put together a little list of what I miss….
- the taxis everywhere honking at me (except when i need them) – all I can think is – don’t you think that I would wave you down if I needed you?
- freshly squeezed juice
- buses with someone yelling out of them telling you where they are going
- busy markets
- street food – pork, tucanos and salteñas with hot sauce, empanadas
- the ability to buy any movie on the street
- markets that you can buy just about anything at (fresh veggies, fresh fruit, meat)
- strangers wishing me ‘provecho‘ in restaurants
- south american couples – young and old – holding hands, kissing in plazas
- meeting strangers and within hours or days, feeling that they were old friends
- being called mamie or mamacita in the markets where i bought my daily avocados and mangos
- women walking down the street breastfeeding (ok, that was just SA)
- the vivid colors of saris
- everyone around me having dark hair and dark eyes
- staying out until 4 in the morning, dancing at a club
- meeting strangers
- the mix of spices unfolding in my mouth
- the smell of India
- riding the trains, buses, rickshaws, motos
- being on a train and hearing ‘chai, chai, chai’
- mountains, sunsets, beaches, high altitude landscapes
- the constant awareness of history and religion and spirituality
- fresh air and being outside every day
- hearing a foreign language and trying to guess at context
- learning to speak another language and get my needs met
- walking everywhere
- the Andes, Patagonia, Himalayas
and then there is the other stuff.. the stuff that is harder to find, harder to name.
I miss writing and reading every day. I miss having the time to think and reflect and write. I miss having the freedom to come and go as it suits me. I miss people watching. I miss what it feels like to wake up and think… huh, I wonder what I will do today? I miss not having a schedule. I miss adventure. I miss being by myself – but the prospect of not being by myself every day. I miss the possibilities of saying ‘yes’. I miss trusting that everything will work out. I miss freedom. And choice. And travel.
I miss feeling like I am exactly where I am suppose to be.