What I miss….

I have been back in the states for a little over a month now.  In some ways, my life has slowed down a lot.  I go to the same place for work every day, I see my old friends.  I just got my car back.  I do ‘normal’ life things — like get my car inspected.  But at the same time, I am still in flux.  Still very much in transition – sleeping on an air mattress with my sleeping bag as a blanket.  Still unsure of where I will go beyond July 27th.  Still unsure of what I want.

But one thing is clear to me…  I know what I miss.  So, I thought I would put together a little list of what I miss….

I miss:

• the taxis everywhere honking at me (except when i need them) – all I can think is – don’t you think that I would wave you down if I needed you?
• freshly squeezed juice
• buses with someone yelling out of them telling you where they are going
• busy markets
• street food – pork, tucanos and salteñas with hot sauce, empanadas

street food!

• the ability to buy any movie on the street
• markets that you can buy just about anything at (fresh veggies, fresh fruit, meat)
• strangers wishing me ‘provecho‘ in restaurants
• south american couples – young and old – holding hands, kissing in plazas
• meeting strangers and within hours or days, feeling that they were old friends
• being called mamie or mamacita in the markets where i bought my daily avocados and mangos
• women walking down the street breastfeeding (ok, that was just SA)
• the vivid colors of saris

girls on a field trip in southern india

• everyone around me having dark hair and dark eyes
• staying out until 4 in the morning, dancing at a club
• meeting strangers
• the mix of spices unfolding in my mouth
• the smell of India
• riding the trains, buses, rickshaws, motos
• being on a train and hearing ‘chai, chai, chai’
• mountains, sunsets, beaches, high altitude landscapes
• the constant awareness of history and religion and spirituality

the eyes of buddha

• fresh air and being outside every day
• hearing a foreign language and trying to guess at context
• learning to speak another language and get my needs met
• walking everywhere
• trekking
• the Andes, Patagonia, Himalayas

mountains near Huaraz

and then there is the other stuff..   the stuff that is harder to find, harder to name.

I miss writing and reading every day.  I miss having the time to think and reflect and write.  I miss having the freedom to come and go as it suits me.  I miss people watching.  I miss what it feels like to wake up and think… huh, I wonder what I will do today? I miss not having a schedule.  I miss adventure.  I miss being by myself – but the prospect of not being by myself every day.  I miss the possibilities of saying ‘yes’.  I miss trusting that everything will work  out.  I miss freedom.  And choice.  And travel.

I miss feeling like I am exactly where I am suppose to be.