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Posts tagged ‘courage’

Nov 25

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Rainy days

Every once in awhile, I have a crisis of faith, of wondering what am I doing, being on permanent vacation (is that really what I am doing — being on vacation for 9 months?!)?  What am I doing – but going from coffee shop to restaurant to reading my books to eating food?  To not having a purpose?  To just sight-seeing day after day?

Today is one of those days…

It is raining today.  which makes it harder to figure out what to do.  Do I sit in my room and read?  Do I try and go to a festival that is at a temple somewhere near-ish?  Do I just keep eating and spending money as I wander from place to place?

I like having purpose (for evidence, see the past five years of my life) — and sometimes I just am not sure what my purpose is right now…  as you might imagine, I am not one of those people who are really good at just sitting on the beach!  So, maybe that is my purpose – to learn to just sit.  To be here, without a purpose and wait for that purpose to come to me.  Or for me to find it.  Or to figure out that purpose can mean lots of different things — that it is not all about goals and checkpoints.

But, please, don’t get me wrong — in the grand scheme of things – i feel tremendously blessed and lucky to be here — to witness the world and expand my horizons.  But, sometimes when I get caught up in the details of every day life and miss the comfort of home and friends – it is those moments that i wonder what i am doing out here.

Or maybe it was just all the pictures and stories of turkey and thanksgiving food all over facebook that did me in….

I am trying to figure out if I should head out of Kochi, or if I should stay another day and go to the festival, or if I should go elsewhere in Kerala, or if I should go to Hampi, or if I should….  you see the problem?  There are so many options… how do I pick the best one?  or to not be paralyzed by the multitude of options and just do nothing?

I guess I will go drink a cup of chai and try and figure it all out.  or maybe just read my book.

be well friends.  thanks for being part of my pupose — to be able to share my thoughts and observations with you all.

hope you can avoid black friday!  🙂  i am doing my part and just shopping locally.

Jul 21

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Frequently Asked Questions

When I tell people about my plans, I usually get one of three responses:

1.  Aren’t you scared?

2.  Are you traveling by yourself?  (which is followed by question number 1)

3.  Is this an Eat-Pray-Love thing?

Yes.  Yes.  No.

Of course I am scared.  The list of what-ifs goes on and on….

what if i get malaria?  what if i run into a huge snake in southern india?  what if i get lonely?  what if I get really sick?  what if I get abducted?  what if I run out of money?  what if I get hurt and have to come home early?  what if I miss my mommy?  what if I get my head chopped off?  what if it turns out I don’t like traveling?

as you can see…..  the mind can run rampant with these what-if questions (and all of a sudden I am transported to my classroom and how my students love the what if questions and I can understand the 10th grade brain in a whole new way…..)

But, at the same time, I guess I don’t know what I would be missing if I don’t go.  I don’t know how lonely or how scary it will be — since right now, I am just imagining the possibilities.  But to live it and see it and experience it….  then I will know.  And sometimes, the idea of just staying is as scary and lonely as anything else I can imagine….

5 days until I move out of my apartment.  Just ask me if I am ready…. come on, just ask!  ok, I’ll tell you.  um, not ready.  nope, not packed.

and as for the eat-pray-love thing….  i mean, i guess because she traveled – there is that similarity.  But i am not a writer, not getting paid to travel and not-getting-a-divorce-rebounding-and-breaking-up.  So there is that.  Nor am I julia roberts.  just sayin’

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