I hate quitting
It rained all through the night. But at least it stopped for a bit when I got out of the tent in the morning. The mountains were not as fully obscured by clouds as they have been the day before. I quickly packed my sopping wet tent and had breakfast, which I finished just in time for everything to change.
The clouds rolled in, the rain started and my shivering commenced.
I stood in the rain, looking up at where the mountains were (though I could not see them). My plan for the day was to head over the pass into the next valley and head out – a nice three day loop. However, part of finding the pass was taking a bearing off of the mountain.
You know, the mountain I could not see.
As I stood in the rain, I debated about whether or not to go back to Huaraz, hang out with my new friend, the mountain guide. There, I could sit in a warm cafe, sipping coffee. Or, should I push on? Try and wait out the rain?
I have a tendency to not want to quit situations. In fact, I hate quitting. I have longstayed with situations (places, relationships, jobs, etc.) long after it was time for me to move on.
If I just stick it out long enough, surely things will change. Tomorrow is bound to be different.
And, surprise, suprise, it hasn’t changed, for the most part.
But, this year, I have had the ability (courage?) to walk away from situations that weren’t working for me. Don’t like the hostel? Move on. Don’t like the city? Move on. Feeling overwhelmed by travel? Stay put.
I have not viewed it as quitting, but more so as taking care of me and my needs. A powerful lesson at any point.
But, as the rain seemed to pick up and I decided to retreat down the valley, I had a moment (or several) of feeling like I was quitting on this trek, and feeling frustrated with myself. [and just for the record, it is not like a little rain scares me — any of you who have spent any time in Maine in the summer know what I have dealt with in the past….]
But, for the most part, even though the sun came out (damn you…..), I felt sure of my decision. Not that it was definitely the right decision (I did end up missing out on trekking), but it was more of a feeling of being settled with my actions, whatever they are.