Every once in awhile, I have a crisis of faith, of wondering what am I doing, being on permanent vacation (is that really what I am doing — being on vacation for 9 months?!)? What am I doing – but going from coffee shop to restaurant to reading my books to eating food? To not having a purpose? To just sight-seeing day after day?
Today is one of those days…
It is raining today. which makes it harder to figure out what to do. Do I sit in my room and read? Do I try and go to a festival that is at a temple somewhere near-ish? Do I just keep eating and spending money as I wander from place to place?
I like having purpose (for evidence, see the past five years of my life) — and sometimes I just am not sure what my purpose is right now… as you might imagine, I am not one of those people who are really good at just sitting on the beach! So, maybe that is my purpose – to learn to just sit. To be here, without a purpose and wait for that purpose to come to me. Or for me to find it. Or to figure out that purpose can mean lots of different things — that it is not all about goals and checkpoints.
But, please, don’t get me wrong — in the grand scheme of things – i feel tremendously blessed and lucky to be here — to witness the world and expand my horizons. But, sometimes when I get caught up in the details of every day life and miss the comfort of home and friends – it is those moments that i wonder what i am doing out here.
Or maybe it was just all the pictures and stories of turkey and thanksgiving food all over facebook that did me in….
I am trying to figure out if I should head out of Kochi, or if I should stay another day and go to the festival, or if I should go elsewhere in Kerala, or if I should go to Hampi, or if I should…. you see the problem? There are so many options… how do I pick the best one? or to not be paralyzed by the multitude of options and just do nothing?
I guess I will go drink a cup of chai and try and figure it all out. or maybe just read my book.
be well friends. thanks for being part of my pupose — to be able to share my thoughts and observations with you all.
hope you can avoid black friday! 🙂 i am doing my part and just shopping locally.